In one of the cancer parent support groups I attended, they asked what we are doing to take care of ourselves. In a lot of ways, I have put my own stuff to the side. I don't for one second regret any of those decisions. I say that just because it is the truth. As a parent caregiver, my own life goals, health, and wants have become secondary. But, a year into it, I know that I have to get myself together in order to continue being a good parent and caretaker. You can only put yourself off for so long until the wheels start to come off. Stress in particular can wreak havoc. So, taking care of myself and finding a healthier routine has been a goal of mine this spring as I'm trying to get out of survival mode after my daughter's surgery and radiation 2.0.
I am a creature of habit. I thrive on a routine that gets me out in the world. In the various towns I've lived in, I've gone to the same businesses frequently enough to become a known regular. When I lived in San Francisco, I went to the same coffee shop almost every morning, and they would just know my bagel order when I walked in. Currently, the librarians at my local library branch greet us by name and know how to pronounce and spell our complicated last name. Sure, there are days when I want to bed rot like anyone else, but I can't do that for long. After I had my oldest, I started going to classes at the Y. Any class, it didn't matter, just to be out and feel connected to something. I even regularly went to this older adult light weight lifting class just because it fit into my schedule despite being the youngest one there by 3 decades. Even if these people aren't my friends, it is good for my mental health to just be around people and see familiar faces.
To get my physical self into shape, I've had appointments with my PCP and my dentist. I have an appointment in a month to get checked for skin cancer, something I've been putting off for years. I've been trying to get back into taking classes at the Y regularly, and I even started going on mental health walks. After dropping my kids off at school, I drive over to the park. There is a walking trail along the Catawba River that connects the park to City Hall. It's usually around 8 AM and still cool enough to be enjoyable. At first, I was a little worried about being on the trail mostly alone, but as I've gone more frequently, I see the same people there, which puts me at ease. My favorite is this older man who walks with a cane and carries a bag of nuts and seeds. He scatters them along the route and by the time I pass by, there are squirrels, birds, and bunnies everywhere. It makes me feel like I'm a Disney Princess and all my animal friends are coming out to say hello.
Now that my kids are out of school for the summer, I have to figure out a new routine to keep it all together. I don't think my kids will want to walk at the park in the morning, at least not without complaining. I may be able to convince the youngest to go to childwatch at the gym in the morning, but I'll have to find a class that works with taking my oldest to summer camp.
And, I don't even want to think about the appointments that may be in our future. That part is so unknown to me that, for the moment, I just have to live as if everything will be fine and try to make plans like a normal person. Maybe if I can build habits into my life now, they will help carry me through stress in the future, even just a little bit.
Today though it is 1:30 PM, I am still in my pajamas in my bed with both of my kids, and we are all on our screens. Rest is healthy too.
A Song to Listen to On A Stupid Walk for Your Stupid Mental Health
Jenny Lewis, "Puppy and a Truck"
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