Every year I do the reading goal thing on Goodreads. I don't know why. I make the same goal every year, so it's not like I'm trying for gains. I mostly use Goodreads to keep track of books I've read so I don't forget. It is interesting to see which years I exceed my goal and which years I don't. The low years: grad school, after I had each baby - the second one coinciding with COVID, and after the cancer diagnosis. One thing I have noticed is that while I am really struggling to read fiction right now, I can inhale non-fiction like nobody's business. Give me all the existential books about illness, death, grief, and religion. Apparently I want to mull over all the things people don't like to talk about. So, here's my post cancer reading list so far:
No Pressure, No Diamonds - Terri Dillon
I found this book via Andrea Gibson's Instagram page. It was the first book I read on dealing with a terminal illness and death. Terri wrote the book during the end stages of ALS. While I didn't really vibe with the ayahuasca trips, I totally got the compulsion to seek out any possible treatment or therapy. The parts that resonated most were when she talked about her relationships with her family and friends as they also grappled with her diagnosis.
You Better Be Lightening - Andrea Gibson
Poems can be such a balm. This poems in this book aren't about her cancer. They are mostly about her Chronic Lyme Disease and supporting LGBT youth.
This is one of the fiction books I read this summer/fall. It is one day in the life of astronauts from various countries as they sleep, eat, and work on the international space station and reflect on life back on Earth. I explained this book to someone who didn't seem to understand why I liked it. It doesn't have a plot and nothing happens. Some of my favorite books are like that. It reminded me of Klara and the Sun by Kazuo Ishiguro in some ways.
This memoir is written in fragments. After the sudden death of her husband, Lin is deep in shock, grief, and dealing with her own health crisis. The short fragments of time and events made this book an easy, addicting read.
Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I've Loved - Kate Bowler
I randomly checked this book out of the library and immediate knew it was for me. I read it in about a day in between grading papers. Bowler is a divinity professor at Duke, and she was diagnosed with colon cancer in her mid thirties. The books is about how prosperity gospel and American culture in general are rooted in the mistaken belief that we have some control over our future. If we work hard enough or believe enough, we will get what we desire out of life. If bad things happen, we have to work harder or pray harder. And if we still don't get the end result we want, there must be some reason or lesson God wants us to learn. This book is her learning to let go of the illusion of control.
Notes of Grief - Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
This is another book I happened upon in the library app. I have loved her other books, so I wanted to read this one as well. This is a brief memoir about her grief after the sudden death of her father. In it Ngozi Adichie tells stories about her father, reflects on their relationship, and grapples with the various feelings and issues that come from trying to bury her father during a global pandemic. She writes, "'Never' has come to say. 'Never' feels so unfairly punitive. For the rest of my life, I will live with my hands outstretched for things that are no longer there."
Between Two Kingdoms - Suleika Jaouad
I haven't read this yet. It is sitting on my night stand. Jaouad was diagnosed with leukemia at 22. The book is about her experience with cancer and then her journey across the country to figure out her life again once she is in remission.
A Song by Suleika Jaouad's Husband
Jon Batiste, "Fur Elise"
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